Welcoming Words

Jillian Pransky

Welcome.

We gather here today to celebrate one of life's greatest relationships – a marriage: the union between two who love each other. As Lisa and Barry have shared with us already, it's always a miracle when two lives cross and align. 

However, it’s rarely a mystery.

One thing that all unions have in common is that it takes a village to bring two people together. You, each of us, are the village. I know that Lisa and Barry are able to really step into this moment because you are surrounding them and sharing in this amazing journey they are forging. 

Their union, their hope and faith, their love is deeply nourished by the gratitude they feel to be surrounded and held by this village.

So as Lisa and Barry, are formally joined together today, I ask that we all pause for just a breath - and remember - search our hearts for the wisdom of this covenant, which has from ancient times been expressed with ideas and inspiration that come from the heart.

This is a special wedding for a special time, but perhaps in a way meant to be, since it reflects this couple’s ability to weather challenges together, to adapt, and to make sacrifices. 

These things are all necessary for a long and happy marriage.

Lisa and Barry - maybe you’ve already thought about this, but your wedding really represents the best of humanity and community – it’s an act of hope during these difficult times, and it was possible today because we are all part of this human web of connection and kindness.

Lisa and Barry have created a beautiful ceremony for all of us with many symbols, and experiences and ways to participate - so that the blessings and ritual is about including all of us.

Here’s a bit about what to expect:

Throughout this ceremony, to each corner we will be strolling from corner to corner and Molly and Laura are our spirit guides. Molly and Laura - raise your hands.

While we will be walking and standing - please note that there are benches around the fountain, if you’d like to sit or rest, as you wish.

 Lastly, I’d like to point out that the canopy's around the space, in each corner, are all chuppa's. Chuppas are symbolic of a home in the jewish tradition. They are purposely open on all sides - representing hospitality and inclusivity. This is a home for all of us, as well as symbolic of Lisa and Barry’s home, where all are welcomed. 

 Lasty , mask wearing . . . while our wedding party is not going to be wearing a mask, we do ask that all guests, during the ceremony, please wear a mask for the comfort of the whole village.

Opening Remarks

Kelly DeAngelis

I am so happy to see all of you – particularly the two of you!  For those of you I haven’t met yet, I am Kelly and I am a friend of Lisa and Barry’s and I am so excited and honored to be standing here today and to and have the opportunity to share some words about these two incredible people and their story. 

To give a little context as to how I know Lisa and Barry and why I am standing up here today, I met Lisa a little more than 5 years ago when we serendipitously sat down next to each other at a mutual friend’s birthday dinner.  We became instant friends and have been a part of each other’s daily lives ever since.  I met Barry on Lisa and Barry’s first date when they were on a walk and the three of us again serendipitously ended up on the same corner of Broadway in the Flatiron District.  There’s a lot of serendipity in their story.  So I have had the pleasure of knowing Lisa and Barry as a couple from, quite literally, the very beginning, and over the course of their relationship, I have had the pleasure of spending much time with them as a couple – they recently been a part of my pandemic pod - so I was thrilled when they asked me to speak today.  And then I got a little nervous, because there is so much I wanted to say about these two people and their story that it felt almost impossible to distill it down to brief remarks that would find the right words.  But, after many, many drafts, I kept returning to the same things that have felt consistently true since I ran into them on that street corner the day of their first date – and those things are that Lisa and Barry are two of the kindest, warmest people I know – they are both just so special - and together they share a connection that I am constantly in awe of.  A connection, that from the perspective of someone looking on from the outside, oftentimes feels like magic or grace.  And that is what their story feels like to me – one of magic, grace and connection.

I could give you many, many examples of this magic, of the grace that I have witnessed in the two of them over the course of their relationship.  But in the interest of time, I am going to focus in on a few things that I think highlight a connection that is not just punctuated by but really seemingly flooded with moments of magic.

The first being, the way they started…It felt like it happened in a flash!  I recently spoke to both Lisa and Barry about the things they recall being most striking about the beginning of their relationship.  Barry told me about their playful way together and the “lightness of being” they shared.  Lisa talked about Barry’s confidence, optimism, consistency and availability.  She said he seemed so sure about their relationship from the very beginning.  She said she had “just never met anybody like that.”  I remember hearing about their early dates, and how Barry had happily participated in an impromptu writing prompt over dinner, and being astounded by the openness with which they seemed to meet each other.  From an outside perspective, it really felt like these people were meant to be – and it happened so fast.  And while Barry remained steady and sure, Lisa seemed almost surprised, as to how quickly it was all happening.  I remember Lisa calling me early on in their relationship almost shocked by how often Barry called and how often he wanted to see her.

However, this shock began to fade away one magical moment early on in their relationship and that was the moment when Barry met Stella, Lisa’s beloved dog.  If you had the absolute pleasure of knowing Stella, you know that Stella was joy incarnate, an absolute delight and Stella also had a way of choosing her people - and I consider myself lucky to be among those who Stella chose.  And Stella made her feelings about Barry clear instantly – in a flash.  Upon first sight of Barry from down the block, Stella went bounding towards him and jumped right up into his arms.  And that was the moment Stella chose Barry.  Stella’s instant adoration and love for Barry – which was instantly reciprocated - brought them together and she became an integral part of their relationship, often times inserting herself as mediator in conversational debates, as if she knew, what is so very clear today, that these two were simply meant to be together.

And while we are talking about Stella, I would like to take a moment to welcome Stella here today.  Stella sadly passed away in July but despite her physical absence, today I have no doubt that she is here absolutely delighted at what is happening today as her two chosen people choose each other and chasing leaves and hopping on and off the edges fountain in celebration.

After Stella’s selection, Lisa and Barry began to, as Lisa so eloquently put it recently, slide into each other’s lives and suddenly there they were.  Together.  And they fit.  So beautifully.

And that Brings us to our next category – the way they fit.  They have a steadiness, an ease and a lightness in their connection that feels at times otherworldly. Lisa described her moment of recognizing this fit in the moment when Barry came to greet her at the airport at 4:30 in the morning upon her return from a trip to India. Upon seeing him, after a long absence, she thought “oh you, that’s right.”  And this is how it is with them.  There’s a sense of just knowing that is almost ineffable that these two people are just the right fit for each other.  And while that, in and of itself, feels magical, I think the real magic is in the way they fit also comes from what sits at the root of their connection – and from what I see that is kindness, acceptance, support, trust and a commitment to mutual growth.

These two support each other and encourage each other to transform.  Barry talked to me about Lisa’s encouragement in his pursuit of a new position at SVA saying that Lisa could see him for who he was and had a belief in him that he did not yet have.  And she was effusive about it.  That is the other thing that they do, they find joy in the other’s growth and they celebrate each other’s accomplishments.  Lisa told me about the way Barry instantly welled up with pride and delight when she told him about a recent professional success.  That’s the thing about their connection – underneath it all there is a spark, a delight in each other – that just feels like magic.

And this brings me to my final point about the magic in their connection – and that is its ripple effects and the way it extends beyond them.  If you have ever spent any time with Lisa and Barry together, I think you will know what I mean.  They make you feel at ease and they envelop you in the joy of simply being together.  They are two people who are committed to a spiritually centered life and one of the ways they manifest this is through the way they cherish, nurture and care for their families and friends to whom they are deeply devoted.  

I have had the pleasure of experiencing this firsthand on many occasions but one instant stands out for me in particular.  It was early on in their relationship and I was going through a difficult time.  Lisa and Barry knew this and they invited me to join them on Shelter Island so that I could have some time away in the company of friends.  It was the first time I had spent an extended amount of time with Barry and it was the first time I had seen the two of them together for longer than the length of a meal.  I was struck by two things during that trip.  The first was the way they united together towards my collective care.  Not just Lisa, who I knew well at the time, but also Barry, who I was still getting to know, went to great lengths to make sure I felt welcome, comfortable and cared for.  And, the second thing I noticed was that their ease and way of being around each other is expansive and that it touches everyone in their presence.  Being around them that weekend, just as they were, shopping at the fish market and cooking elaborate meals seamlessly side-by-side, was grounding, settling and their way of being together made room to let light in around all of us.  

I imagine I am not the only one who has had this sort of experience with Lisa and Barry.  In fact, I think this very day, this very moment, is a testament to exactly that.  Throughout all of the planning for this day, Lisa and Barry continuously told me that while they were so excited to celebrate their connection to one another here today, it was equally as important to them to bring together all the people they love – to offer all of us an opportunity to connect and experience joy in a time that has been filled with separation and isolation.  And throughout all of the planning – which was no easy feat – they displayed a constant and vigilant consideration for the comfort, safety and well-being of us all.  They are constantly thinking beyond themselves.  It is who they are as individuals and it is who they are together as a couple.  And because of that, we are all here today.  And look how beautiful of a day you have created – thank you, Lisa and Barry.

A little while back, Lisa and Barry brought Jillian and I here to see this space, the space where the wedding would be.  While we were here we admired the sculpture of the Three Dancing Maidens that stands in the center of the fountain behind all of you.  Lisa was taken by the joy that the movement of the dancers conveyed.  She had us stand close and look at their faces exclaiming, “Don’t they all look so happy!?”  They really do.  I remember thinking in that moment, that this was indeed the perfect place for Lisa and Barry to get married, a place with joy sitting at it’s center.

Shortly after our visit to the garden, I found a book about outdoor monuments in Manhattan that features the Three Dancing Maiden’s sculpture.  In it, the author the author, Dianne Durante, writes this about the Dancing Maidens sculpture:  “it radiates delight, in a way few sculptures match, and there isn’t any point of view that doesn’t reveal some new, graceful aspect.”  It felt perfect because I think we could substitute Lisa and Barry right in there for the sculpture: “Lisa and Barry and the connection they share radiate delight in a way few others match, and there isn’t any point of view of their relationship that doesn’t revel some new, graceful aspect.”  And their delight and grace radiates out onto the people around them.  It is immense.  It is expansive.  And it really does feel like magic.  

So Lisa and Barry, as we stand here today, I wish you a lifetime together with joy at its center and a connection that continues to be filled with the magic and grace that has undoubtedly brought you two together and all of us here today.

A Marriage

Carla Zanoni

A Marriage

Never go to bed angry.

Go to bed angry, but passionately kiss before you sleep.

Forgive freely.

Wake up every day choosing to be together.

And don’t forget, a comfortable, wide bed can get you through anything.

Marry your best friend, but don’t forget your best friends.

You are here to support, not to parent.

Love yourself first, then loving each other will come easily.

Empathy. Patience. Partnership. Individualism.

All in equal measure.

This is the wisdom we pass down wedding to wedding, love to love, but there is only one truth.

Together, you will build your own palace, golden columns and gilded gargoyles protecting from the outside forces. Gaze up. Over the open doorways is a thatched roof of rushes, heather, and palm branch, inside a courtyard with rust-colored mud where the sun has baked it hard like rock, impenetrable yet raw. Only you two will understand this patchwork of support structures, its labyrinth of passages that lead to grand fields of ripe sweet citrus meant only for your lips.

Hold each other in each other’s hands as you would a bunch of flowers, bright and intoxicating, fragile and impermanent.

Pierce the veil between this life and the next with gentle light and profound resonance.

This is what I wish for you, a love that has no words, a brilliant quiver filled with arrows and strong backs to draw and release the bow.

In other words, I hope for you a slow and ordinary life filled with the love you require.

May this marriage be blessed.

Land Acknowledgment and Blessing

Rev. Emilie Unterweger

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LAND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

The land upon which we gather is part of the traditional territory of the Lenni-Lenape, called “Lenapehoking.” The Lenape People lived in harmony with one another upon this territory for thousands of years. During the colonial era and early federal period, many were removed west and north, but some also remain among the continuing historical tribal communities of the region: The Nanticoke Lenni-Lenape Tribal Nation; the Ramapough Lenape Nation; and the Powhatan Renape Nation, The Nanticoke of Millsboro Delaware, and the Lenape of Cheswold Delaware. We acknowledge the Lenni-Lenape as the original people of this land and their continuing relationship with their territory. In our acknowledgment of the continued presence of Lenape people in their homeland, we affirm the aspiration of the great Lenape Chief Tamanend, that there be harmony between the indigenous people of this land and the descendants of the immigrants to this land, “as long as the rivers and creeks flow, and the sun, moon, and stars shine.

BLESSING

Lisa, Barry:

May you feel the grounding, support and bounty of the Earth, that your needs will always be met.

May the blessing of Water be upon you, that you may each live in emotional truth and hold space for one another’s emotional life.

May the spirits of Wind bless you with easy communication, flexible thinking and playfulness.

May the spirits of Light forever offer your union warmth, awe and hope through times of joy and times of sadness and strife.

May the Plant spirits bless you with medicine to heal all ailments and food to nourish and strengthen you in body, mind and spirit.

May you be blessed with the companionship and wisdom of the Animal spirits.

And may your Ancestors guide you with their wisdom and far-seeing.

May the heavens above bless you with inspiration and may you inspire one another always.

May you receive each day the blessings of this life in your hearts and may your share these in gratitude with others beyond your union.

May this grace extend beyond you, Lisa and Barry, to your families united by this ceremony and to all those your call “loved one” and “friend”.

May we each receive these gifts in gratitude and just as you, Barry and Lisa, have been a blessing to your communities, may all of us carry this grace into each of ours.

May the gifts of Water, Earth, Plant and Animal; Wind, Light and Ancestors be acknowledged and may we offer these our gratitude, respect and care as the Lenape people did before us.

May the very land beneath our feet and air we breathe together, may these too be blessed by the love celebrated here today.

Divine Creator, Great One, Mother, Father, You of Many Names - Please shower Your blessings and guidance upon Barry Sutton and Lisa Weinert. Please bless all who bear witness to this union today with Your grace. Ashe, Aho, Amen, Amin, and So It Is.

POEM

On Marriage by Khalil Gibran

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.

Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

Exchange of Vows & Rings

Jillian Pransky

I first met Lisa when she was an enthusiastic  

bright-eyed student  --  in my yoga teacher training   

and I immediately felt a sisterhood with her; Love and appreciation. 

You all know by now that Lisa is not only  Warm and Welcoming, 

but Passionate  and   a Big Brilliant thinker. 

She's a visionary, a leader, and a healer. 

And at the heart of all of her creations, 

is the desire to contribute to a more 

Peaceful, kind, and inclusive world.

When Lisa decided to bring Barry to my yoga retreat, 

I knew this guy must be special. 

The moment I met him - I immediately knew that Lisa found 

the right partner to match her Depth, Authenticity, Sincerity, 

and Willingness to be Present. 

Barry beautifully compliments Lisa 

with his Creativity, Insightfulness, his Intelligence 

and desire to also contribute to 

a more Peaceful, Kind and Inclusive world.

Lisa and Barry are a very special kind of Power Couple; 

a gifted match. 

Honoring  each  other's own commitment 

to their personal & spiritual growth - 

while also supporting each other to be of service and engaged in the world.

I am Honored to join Lisa and Barry together, in marriage, on this day.

Lisa, Barry, and I spent a lot of time 

together talking about what this day means to them. 

I know that they took time to look at this day, 

and marriage, from every angle. 

And they shared with me - their

joys and hopes 

As well as the concerns and trepidations. 

What we all know to be true is 

That there will always be an ebb and flow 

between what feels Easeful and what feels difficult.

There is no blueprint for how to cultivate 

and keep your marriage nourished, robust, vibrant.

It’s a very personal year to year dance; day to day dance. 

Sometimes -as many of us know - minute to minute dance.

If anyone tells you   “This is the secret to a happy marriage”, 

I suggest you listen loosely. 

Only you two,  alone,  can discover how to create your marriage. 

But, what I can tell you, 

is that Long-term relationships 

are built on choosing to show up 

to meet each other for both the joys and challenges; 

Just like you have been doing since you have met.

So if I have any advice --  or more like a wish for you, 

It is:

May you Choose to love each other, 

even in those moments when you struggle to be on the same page. Love is a commitment, not just a feeling. 

May you choose to return; to come back - over & over again - to each other -- to Love. 

In this spirit, I’d like to share a writing from Rilke, as prayer and an inspiration as you step into your marriage.

The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality 

by tearing down all boundaries; 

On the contrary, 

a good marriage is one in which each partner 

appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, 

and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. 

A merging of two people is an impossibility, 

and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, 

a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. 

But once the realization is accepted 

that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, 

a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, 

if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, 

which gives them   the possibility   

of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”

-Ranier Maria Rilke

Please join me in offering a silent blessing upon this union - 

as we pause for a moment before the vows are taken.

Lisa and Barry, as your officiant, 

it is my responsibility to remind each of you of the significance of the relationship you are on the threshold of entering.

Marriage is a commitment to life—

to the best that two people can find 

and bring out in each other. 

It offers opportunities for sharing and growth 

no other relationship can equal, 

a spiritual and emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.

Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life. 

It encourages and nurtures a new life together, 

new experiences, 

and new ways of expressing love through the many seasons of life.

When two people pledge to love 

and care for each other in marriage, 

they create a spirit unique to themselves, 

how you create and live in this marriage - is your art alone.

I would now like to read your Vows 

These vows you have created together to ensure your bond grows and matures; they nurture both of you individuals and this union as a couple.

Celebrating each other

Listening to each other with open hearts

Being faithful and true

Turning to each other for friendship, advice and comfort

Being available and caring when the other is sick

Being honest and kind with how we communicate with each other

Cherishing each other’s friends and family

Teaching each other new things and expanding each other’s lives

Protecting each other’s solitude

Being playful and silly and going on fun dates

Being on our own creative path

A healthy lifestyle 

Commitment to personal and spiritual growth

Enjoying delicious meals and making food together

Equal share in household chores, responsibilities and care

Surprising each other with sweet presents, gestures and help

Exploring nature and taking trips near and far

Cultivating a beautiful, sacred and nourishing home

Being of service and engaged with the world

These Vows are the promises you are making to each other as you come together in Marriage. 

Marriage is a promise, a potential, 

made in the hearts of two people who love, 

which takes a lifetime to fulfill. 

Now, to declare your commitment to each other

Please join hands and look into each other’s eyes.

Do you Lisa, take Barry, to be your loving husband?

 Lisa: “I do.”

Then repeat after me:

I, Lisa, take you, Barry, to be my husband.

 I commit to Listening to you with an open heart

To be faithful and true. 

To love and to cherish and honor 

all the commitments that we have created together

From this day forward

Do you Barry take Lisa to be your loving wife?

 Barry: “I do.”

Then repeat after me:

I, Barry, take you, Lisa, to be my wife.

I commit to Listening to you with an open heart

To be faithful and true. 

To love and to cherish

and honor all the commitments that we have created together

From this day forward

Exchange of Rings

May I have the rings?

These rings are symbols of eternity 

and the unbroken circle of love. 

Love freely given has no beginning and no end. 

Today you have chosen to exchange rings, 

as a sign of your love for each other, 

and as a seal of the promises you make this day. 

We ask that everyone here, the village, the universe, 

nature and all the energies around us 

bless these rings and this union of souls.

Lisa, place the ring on Barry's finger and repeat after me:

With this ring

I give you my heart

I promise from this day forward

You shall not walk alone

May my heart be your shelter

And my arms be your home.

Barry, place the ring on Lisa's finger and repeat after me: 

With this ring

I give you my heart

I promise from this day forward

You shall not walk alone

May my heart be your shelter

And my arms be your home.

Your two lives are now joined in one unbroken circle. 

Wherever you go, 

may you always return to one another in your togetherness. 

May you two find in each other 

the love that all people long for. 

May you grow in understanding and compassion. 

And may these two rings symbolize 

the spirit of undying love

in the hearts of both of you.

And with that, in as much as you, Lisa, and you, Barry, 

have announced the truths 

that are already written in your hearts, 

by the power vested in me by the City of New York, 

I pronounce you souls wedded in love, 

which may be now sealed with a kiss!

Our Commitments

Lisa & Barry

Celebrating each other

Listening to each other with open hearts

Being faithful and true

Turning to each other for friendship, advice and comfort

Being available and caring when the other is sick

Being honest and kind with how we communicate with each other

Cherishing each other’s friends and family

Teaching each other new things and expanding each other’s lives

Protecting each other’s solitude

Being playful and silly and going on fun dates

Being on our own creative path

A healthy lifestyle 

Commitment to personal and spiritual growth

Enjoying delicious meals and making food together

Equal share in household chores, responsibilities and care

Surprising each other with sweet presents, gestures and help

Exploring nature and taking trips near and far

Cultivating a beautiful, sacred and nourishing home

Being of service and engaged with the world